KEN KORDA & SELF INDULGENT RAMBLE NEWS
KEN ON RADIO 4, ‘STEPPING IN’ & TOM SELLECK
I found this the other day whilst trawling through files and it made me laugh. It’s a short piece about cult TV featuring Ken Korda I did for Radio 4′s culture programme Front Row in August 2002. They were doing something about the fact that Bargain Hunt had just been given a prime time slot on BBC1 and the person they had lined up to comment on this important cultural milestone had dropped out at the last minute so they wanted to know if I would ‘step in’. I get asked to step in to the vacated shoes of other cultural gimps quite a bit and due to ego and pride issues I usually say ‘no’, but this time I thought it would be fun to do something as Ken on Radio 4, which I had never done at that point. Listening back to the thing I probably could have just done it as myself, but I always feel a character adds more value somehow. Maybe that’s just gutlessness.
On the subject of ‘stepping in’ I, like many other people always enjoy hearing about big cultural landmarks that so nearly went another way when their protagonist stepped in at the last minute. The most famous one is probably the fact that Harrison Ford only stepped in as Indiana Jones after Tom Selleck was prevented from playing the part because of a contractual commitment to the CBS TV series Magnum PI. Net biogs refer heartbreakingly to the fact that ‘CBS later eased up and Selleck was able to star in TV movies and feature films such as Lassiter (1984)’ Lassiter!? Sweet LBJ! That story hurts the mind in so many ways.
What the heckins would Raiders have been like with the ludicrous moustachioed, slightly camp Tommo in the hat? Well probably fine actually and Selleck’s career would have gone up a level for a while but the film would probably have lacked that extra weird, comforting spark of charisma that Harrison brings to the meeting (though where Ford gets that spark is a mystery. Have you seen the man interviewed? I’m getting drowsy thinking about it…) It makes me feel so bad for Tom though. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard him admitting his bitterness about losing out like that and ending up with the high point of his career being Three Men And A Baby, which is a shame. It’s silly of course because he’s had an enviable career in many ways. I certainly wouldn’t mind being the craggily handsome moustachioed star of one of the most successful TV shows of all time, and Magnum was good too! (well I certainly loved it when I was a teen). Three Men And A Baby has its moments. Three Men and A Little Lady has fewer… Quigley Down Under and Lassiter I haven’t got round to seeing yet but they may well be extraordinary. If only the subject of Raiders had never come up, he’d have been sorted. Now he’ll forever be the victim of a ‘step in-cident.’ Tortured by the whiff of ‘what if?’ Sad and lonely in a world of ‘if only’… OK that last one was a bit shit but you get the picture. Anyway, it’s not over for Selleck. If he climbs into the right vehicle, I’ll be there! That’s more than I can say for the increasingly ridiculous Ford and his yucky earing. Hollywood Homocide? Hollywood SUICIDE more like! Indiana Jones 4? Indian Jones BORE you mean!! I won’t go on.
I too have smelled the whiff of what-if, albeit a very small whiffle. Back in 1998 (or thereabouts) when Joe and I were into our third series of The Adam & Joe Show, we were asked by Channel 4 to host their Autumn season press launch. We said no because we were busy working on the show and didn’t have the time to come up with anything decent in the way of ‘shtick’ so a then unknown Sacha Baron Cohen stepped in to host the thing as Ali G. He filmed a little video bit for it where at one point he went and stuck a drawing of a cock and balls up on controller Michael Jackson’s office door. I remember jealously thinking ‘come on now, that’s a bit pathetic’ when I heard about it. He took the piss out of all the shows in the autumn schedule, the event was a complete smash and rumours of his genius began to spread. I don’t think this particular story counts as a missed opportunity for us so much because I know what would have happened if we had hosted the thing: it would have just been OK. At that point we were in no position to deliver what Sacha Baron Cohen did. With him, as with Harrison Ford I suppose, it was never a question of ‘if’ but ‘when’. You wait, when The Adam & Joe Movie starring a brilliantly re-invented Tom Selleck comes out, they’ll all be begging to come to our party! Oh yes.
