September 27, 2006
OLD NEWS
SOME OLD ANECDOTES FOR MATT YOUNG
I got a card from someone called Matt Young the other day. He was saying he had been listening to The Adam & Joe Xfm podcasts (which are nearing the end of their first ’season’) and wanted to know more about the ‘Kiki Pee’ anecdote referred to fleetingly in podcast 1. Matt gave me his e-mail address but I’m always a bit cagey with entering into e-mail correspondence too quickly with someone I don’t really know. I mean it was a very nice card and I’m sure Matt’s totally fine but I like to keep things formal. If he’d supplied his postal address I would have written back, but as he didn’t I’m responding via blog. Hope that’s OK Matt. Here is the Kiki Pee anecdote along with another couple of stories from when I did the Edinburgh Festival in August 2005. I would have put this stuff in my Edinburgh diary but I never finished it in the end. Better late than never though, yes?
KIKI PEE
When I was in Edinburgh my PR was being expertly handled by a girl called Claire Walker, who goes out with Ed Byrne, (a fact that isn’t totally relevant to the story but I don’t like to miss a name dropping opportunity). Ed and Claire were out drinking late one night and were sat at a table with among others these two queens from New York who do an act as a failed lounge singer and her pianist called Kiki and Herb. I haven’t seen them personally but I hear they’re excellent. The guy who plays Kiki was wasted though and at one point he just got out his winky and started to spend a penny beneath the table where he and Claire were sitting. Due to their close seating proximity a lot of the tinkle hit Claire’s foot and understandably she jumped up, disgusted, shouted at the guy and went to the lavvy to wash off the Kiki pee. Far from being contrite, Kiki grabbed her by the arm on the way back from the ladies and said ‘I’m sorry I didn’t pee in your face’. Nice.
Admonished by a mutual friend Kiki then said ‘Oh OK, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I pee’d on her ugly shoes’. Nice again.
When acquaintances of Kiki heard what happened, a lot of them were surprised, saying ‘but he’s just not the kind of person who would ever do something like that’. I wonder how many times you have to wee on someone’s foot before you are the kind of person who would do something like that. I would say once.
Incidentally that story didn’t come to me from Claire Walker or Ed Byrne. Unlike me, they’re far too discreet to mention that kind of thing, but it was a reliable source. That said if Kiki somehow reads this and is upset because he believes he did not wee on Claire’s feet then I will remove this story and issue an apology. I say that because a couple of people I know and like have read what I thought were completely innocuous comments about them on this blog and been upset so now I’m getting nervous about telling wee wee stories featuring famous drag queens I don’t even know…
BIKE ASSAULT
On my way to a party on the last night of the festival I was riding on my bike downhill across the bridge to Princess Street when a young guy leaned out of the window of a passing car and pushed me! I could easily have been killed but thanks to my exceptional cycling skills I kept my balance and stayed on my bike. The car sped away, weaving dangerously through traffic as the yobs inside watched me shouting abuse at them helplessly. I caught them up at the lights briefly and took a picture of their number plate then, fizzing with adrenalin, shouted triumphantly to the passengers of another car that was watching me, ‘THAT CUNT’S GOING TO JAIL!’ Brilliant.
Anyway I finally got to the party and on my way in I bumped into Dara O’Briain who I’d met a couple of nights previously. I was in a state by then, apoplectic with impotent rage and keen to get pissed but the fucking doorman wouldn’t let me in because I didn’t have my festival pass with me. Lovely Dara protested to the doorman on my behalf saying ‘don’t you know who this is? Did you never see The Adam & Joe Show?’ I think it was mainly for my benefit to make me feel better about not getting in (because the doorman certainly had NOT seen The Adam & Joe Show), but finally, because Dara is so giant and charming it worked and I got in to what turned out to be a shit party.
One of the first people I saw there was Kevin Bishop, a very funny actor who was in The Last Chancers and can now be seen on Channel 4’s Star Stories. I told him about being nearly killed by these yobs and the fact that I had a photo of their number plate, which I was going to give to the cops. He just chuckled at me and said ‘what d’you think the cops are going to do? Anyway what are you so upset about? They were just kids having a laugh’. That made me feel pretty fucking old. It reminded me of Joe talking about a spate of stabbings near where we live in south London and how if it’s a shallow stab you can’t really complain cos that’s like an informal greeting. That wasn’t so much an anecdote as just a kind of rant about kids these days.
LOU REED
At the same shit party Kevin Bishop told me that he was in the VIP area at this festival in Spain called Benicassim and Lou Reed came up to him out of the blue and said ‘Hey, you’re the guy from The Last Chancers. I loved that show. That’s exactly what it’s like being in a band!’ Kevin swears this happened and it was definitely Lou Reed and not just an old man with sunglasses. One day I’ll probably find out Kevin was just winding me up, but so far he insists it’s the truth. How Lou Reed managed to see a show that only about 15 people in the UK saw before it got cancelled is a mystery but in a world where David Bowie will turn up to write songs for Ricky Gervais, anything’s possible.
So there we go Matt. That’s why this blog is NUMBER 1 for lame gossip that’s over a year old!!! Oh, and if you see these twats, hurt their feelings from me would you?
ADDENDUM I saw Kevin Bishop recently and he finally admitted to me that he was lying about Lou Reed.
September 23, 2006
LIVE NEWS
OUT OF FOCUS GROUP 12, FRIDAY 6th OCTOBER, 2006
I’m doing a one off Out Of Focus Group comedy night at The Zetter Hotel on Friday 6th October. As usual it will be starting at 8pm sharp but if you show up nearer 7pm (having reserved a seat if you’re sensible!) you can get a drink and enjoy a video of me cycling from my house to The Zetter set to enjoyable music.
Already confirmed for the night is Todd Barry a brilliant American comic who’ll be doing about 20 minutes of more stand uppy stuff than we normally have. Here’s Todd in action on Comedy Central in the US. I’m also very glad to be welcoming back lovely Jo Neary who does character pieces that wipe the floor with a lot of the very predictable character comedians you see around town. She’s going to be big news in 2007 I reckon. There should also be other guests TBC and I’ll be doing a couple of character things too though I haven’t yet figured out if I’m going to try out something new and watch sadly as it dies or have a relaxing evening doing familiar bullcrap that is more likely to satisfy. Go forward painfully or stagnate with a beery smile, that’s the tedious question. And of course I’ll be showing a few new video bits as well as more older nuggets.
Call NOW, before it fills up with non blog readers, and reserve a table or just a couple of seats for an evening that is being described as ‘a delightfully bourgeois antidote to everything hateful and shit in the modern world‘ Now it’s being described as ‘essential‘. Ooh, hang on, now it’s being described as ‘inessential‘. Now it’s not being described. I’ll let you know as soon as anything changes.
The Zetter Hotel 86-88 Clerkenwell Road, EC1 0207 324 4455
LIVE NEWS
SOMETHING FOR THE WEEKEND, MADAME JOJO’S, 29th SEPTEMBER 2006
Next Friday night I’ll be doing a few minutes of character stuff for Something For The Weekend, a character comedy night at Madame Jojo’s, 8-10 Brewer Street, Soho. I’ll probably do Famous Guy and/or Pavel stuff that I may well have done in a similar form before at my Out Of Focus Group comedy night at The Zetter.
Sam Michell, one of the organisers told me that if people come along and say they found out about the night through Xfm or ‘Adam Buxton’s blog’ then they would get in at the reduced ticket price of £7 (tickets are usually £10 he said). I just checked out a Something For The Weekend website and it says that entry is £7 so I don’t know what Sam’s bollocking on about. Maybe it’s one of those things where if you turn up off the street they charge you a tenner but if you’ve booked or found out about it elsewhere it’s less. I’ve asked Sam what the deal is and will let you know. Anyway, hopefully see you there.
September 15, 2006
SIMULACRUM NEWS!
THAT MITCHELL & WEBB LOOK AND QUIZZLESTICK
I’ve been getting a few messages from people asking if I checked out That Mitchell & Webb Look last night on BBC2. It featured a game show spoof called Numberwang that was similar to a thing we did on the 4th series of The Adam & Joe Show called Quizzlestick. Sometimes people point out this kind of thing and sort of expect you to be outraged that you’ve been ripped off or something. I just don’t know anyone in comedy who would actually do that and Mitchell & Webb are certainly no exception.
I suppose if I’m honest it was a little hurtful that neither they nor anyone working on the show had seen Quizzlestick and so avoided doing something too similar but that’s my problem not theirs. Anyway the Numberwang sketch was actually pretty funny and I liked the rest of show too. Plus they were doing the demented gameshow thing purely as a sketch and Quizzlestick was designed by Joe to be part prank as well and the two contestants believed (though probably not for very long) that the show was real. A lot of the laughs also game from the amazing graphics that a post production company called Jump supplied to Joe’s specifications, so it was really quite a different thing.
So why’s everyone going on about it being similar? I don’t know what the fuck they’re on about. If anything we ripped off Mitchell & Webb who are brilliant by the way. Now let that be an end to it.
September 11, 2006
LIVE NEWS
ADAM & JOE AT THE NFT, THURSDAY 21st SEPTEMBER 2006, 6:30pm
Joe and I will be hosting an event at the National Film Theatre on London’s South Bank to celebrate the 60’s birthday of The Central Office of Information, the agency responsible for putting out the public information films that occasionally pop up on TV to remind us not to chew electric cables or play with perverts. As well as showing a load of old favourites of the Charlie Says and Green Cross Code variety, there’ll be a few lesser-known oddities and several clips that we have mangled specially. Some of the stars featured in the best-loved public information films will be in the audience too so it should be an enjoyably weird occasion with equally large portions of celebration and ridicule for most of the family (we’ll do our best to keep it clean!) Book tickets here and we’ll look forward to seeing you.