October 26, 2006
POETRY NEWS
I’M IN A BOOK OF POETRY BY COMEDIANS!
It’s a huge book and I’m lying down between a couple of sheets with Simon Munnery and Isy Suttie. It’s warm. Ha ha ha ha ha! Of course I’m not physically in it! Fucking hell, what’s your problem? I just meant that a couple of my poems have been included in the volume, which is called That Which Is Not Said. Read a selection and buy the thing here, all proceeds go to the homeless charity Crisis. Apart from two of my own funny and thought provoking pieces, there are brilliant poems by Arthur Smith, Phil Nichol, Russel Brand, Harry Hill and many more. Here’s one of my favourites by Simon Munnery whose stuff I sometimes find almost impenetrably weird so it’s a surprise to find his poems so tender and straightforward.
It’s a great book though. I bought a load to give as Christmas presents because it’s kind of the perfect thing for people who aren’t morons, so this year my non-moron friends are in for a treat. The morons are getting a copy of Brick on DVD. The Pin!? Give over. I mean, if you are one of the ridiculously large number of people who thought Brick was a work of genius, I’m not saying you’re definitely a moron, just that if you do happen to be a moron, you are considerably more likely to believe that Brick is a work of genius. Shit, now the Brick fans aren’t going to buy the poetry book and help the homeless because I’ve insulted them. I’ve been tactless and stupid haven’t I? I apologise.
I apologise too if you’re one of the people who’ve been irritated by some of the voice-overs I’ve done recently on TV and on the radio but I have to remind you that if it wasn’t me it would just be Xander Armstrong or Rob Brydon or someone else who isn’t going to spend the money they earn from those voice-overs on building a better tomorrow by making amusing videos which they occasionally post on You Tube. That money also feeds my wife and sons so remember; every time you get annoyed by my voice, you are effectively punching a woman and two toddlers in the stomach. Is that really what you want? What are you, TONY BLAIR?! I think it’s time you bought that poetry book, don’t you?