December 12, 2006
HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU NEWS
I’M A TWAT AND I GOT BUMPED
So in my previous post I was joking about someone from Never Mind The Buzzcocks reading my blog and getting someone else to do the show instead of me. Well it looks as if someone from Have I Got News For You read it too and decided to take me up on the whole getting rid of me idea. I’ve been ‘bumped’ from this week’s show! That’s right, I will no longer be appearing on the legendary topical gameshow due to the fact that they’ve ‘had to bump the whole schedule around’ before Christmas apparently. They’ve said they want me back in the new year but I won’t hold my breath. Now I’m going to have to watch the show and see who they’ve got instead, then think ‘I am less entertaining than him/her’. Man, it better someone amazing or I’ll be even more depressed.
What a shitty few days it’s been! Cycling home tonight after recording our latest Adam & Joe Coke podcast (should be quite a good one, so for goodness sake download it you disloyal bastards!) I got in a barney with a man on a moped. I ran a red light at the big roundabout on the south side of Westminster Bridge Road and as he was passing me he shouted ‘the light was red! You’re supposed to stop!’ It instantly put me in a rage because I think I’m quite a responsible cyclist and though I do shoot the occasional red light, I only do it if I think it’s safe. Of course, that doesn’t make it legitimate and I guess deep down (well, not that deep) I knew he was right but it made me furious that moped man had busted me, Jimmy Responsible when I bet he would never go yelling at one of those fearsome youths that weave in and out of traffic with horrific disregard for safety! I don’t know, maybe he would.
Anyway, I yelled at him to pull over and asked him what his problem was. He said he was a cyclist too and people like me were giving cyclists a bad name. That made me even angrier because that’s exactly what I think when I see some cycle git lurching across heavy traffic against a red light, but that’s not something I would ever do! I consider my red light shooting an occasional reward, taken only when safe, for choosing an environmentally friendly mode of transport with few other obvious perks. I know in writing that looks like utter hypocritical ball crap and exactly the kind of shite you would imagine a twatty cyclist to come out with but, er, it’s not! I tried my best to put that brilliant point of view across to the moped man but instead got angry and defensive and said that I was not the one giving cyclists a bad name, HE WAS! BECAUSE HE WAS A SANCTIMONIOUS TWAT! He then pointed at the nearby red light and said “There’s a red light, why don’t you run that one too?!” So I came back with: “Yeah, thanks, I will!” So you can see it was a pretty productive summit.
I cycled the rest of the way feeling half furious and half very ashamed. Why can’t I hold my hands up when I’m legitimately busted for anti social conduct and learn my lesson with good grace? Well, it’s because I don’t like being told, that’s why. I’m trying to fix the problem, but I’m afraid nothing I do is going to get me back on HIGNFY. Fuck, I hate being humbled.