June 20, 2007
ADRENALINE NEWS!
BIKES & GRINDHOUSE PT. 1
My heart’s really pounding! I’m shaking a little. I’ve got enough nervous energy to power a small nervous factory. I’m converting that energy into blog. This is the second time I’ve felt like this in a few days. The first time was last weekend when I went to a screening of Grindhouse organised by Edgar Wright, more of which later, but right now it’s because I was just on an emergency nappy mission in a lightning storm! The lightning and nappies weren’t the problem though. I returned from the garage and parked the car across the road from our house just as the rain was starting to pelt cartoonishly. I got out with the nappies and ran into the road without properly checking for traffic (it’s a quiet road). Suddenly someone screamed incredibly loudly in my ear, “OI!! YOU FFFUCKING PPPRICKKK!!!” A tall guy on a racing bike, dressed entirely in special cycle gear whizzed past me. I came back with “calm down you stupid twat!” but he kept on going without looking round. A passer by laughed. I couldn’t tell if he was laughing at how insane the cycle dick was, how brilliant my comeback was or how much the peddle ponce had freaked me out.
I ran into the house out of the rain but for 5 minutes I had to fight the urge to get back into the car, catch up with the cyclist and mow down the miserable fuckstick. OK maybe not mow him down, because of all the consequences, but give him a slice of my mind at least. ‘I’m sorry I stepped out in front of you’, I would have said, ‘but that does not give you the right to immediately scream at me as if I’d just burgled your house and shat on your girlfriend. What’s wrong with a ‘careful mate!’ or a vigorous tinkle on the bell? Your over the top, knee jerk aggression is helping to tatter the already threadbare fabric of modern existence. And you look like a very low quality Nancy.’ Then he would have cycled the rest of the way thinking carefully about what he’d done. Yes, that’s what would have happened. But I came to my computer instead and now I feel a bit calmer. Fucking cyclists. No wonder everyone hates us. I’m going to watch the new episode of Entourage I got off Bit Torrent. It’s the first of season 4! That should calm me down completely. I’ll tell you about my Grindhouse night tomorrow.